


Now is the Hour

by FlutieCutie



Series: Daniel and Bonnie Jackson [1]
Category: Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Genre: Gen, Saving Private Ryan - Freeform, WWII, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 10:05:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10304264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlutieCutie/pseuds/FlutieCutie
Summary: "I knew it was selfish to think it, but what was so special about Private James Francis Ryan of Iowa? What about Private First Class Daniel Eugene Jackson of Tennessee? Danny was just as important, so how was it fair that he would never get to see home again when Ryan would?" Jackson's little sister was his best friend. How would she deal with losing him? Two-shot.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was my first attempt at writing for Saving Private Ryan (this is also un on FF, same pen name). Jackson was always my favorite and if I had my way, he would not have met the particular fate he did in the movie. That being said, I admire his character's integrity and valor. I own nothing you recognize from the movie or history. Have a wonderful day! (Also: formatting...not my forte.)

I still remember that day like it wasn’t sixty-eight years ago; it was the worst day of my life. The worst day of my life that began one of the toughest times of my life, and I was only seventeen.

It had started out as a normal summer Monday. I’d finished with all of my chores and duties on the farm for the day so I had a couple of hours to myself before Mama would need my help with supper. It was surprisingly mild outside for late June in Tennessee and I decided to spend some time tending my little garden in the front yard. Daddy had bought me some gorgeous petunias over the weekend and they needed planting.

The garden, which was my favorite place to sit and think, actually belonged to both me and my older brother Daniel. We had always enjoyed taking care of it together, and had been doing so since we were little. One summer, when Danny was nine and I was six, our mother got sick of us running amuck all around the house and barns, driving her crazy, so she decided to set us on a task to focus our energy.

There was this great big mulberry tree in the front yard the two of us used to pick and climb all the time that sat about halfway between the house and the road. I guess that was far enough for Mama because she helped us dig up the grass around the base and fertilize the dirt, gave us a few flowers to get started, and told us to take care of it. We could plant whatever we wanted; it was all ours, our responsibility. That was huge to us, that our mother entrusted something like that to us.

When Danny was twelve, Daddy helped him build a bench and a small swing. We carved three crosses in the bench and our names in the swing’s seat. That small part of the farm was all ours and served as a refuge when life, love, or our little brother Tommy tried to get in the way of our sanity. Oftentimes the two of us would spend hours out in that garden, either working or just sitting and relaxing, and have a talk. Long talks that ran the gamut from schoolyard crushes to what we envisioned for our lives.

Ever since Danny had left for the war, I’d spent twice as much time under our tree. I’d sit on the swing and worry about him, pray for God to keep him safe, worry some more, and then repeat the process. Tending the garden calmed my nerves and gave me hope; hope that Danny would soon be back home with all of us.

So it was that day that I was on my knees, still in my dirty work clothes, when it happened. I had just finished packing down some dirt around my freshly planted petunias when I heard a car coming down the rural road we lived on. I remember looking down at my watch and thinking it was odd for someone to come calling unexpected after five o’clock in the evening. That should have been my first clue.

I leaned back on my heels and watched as a man in a Western Union uniform got out of the dark blue car and straightened his jacket. He looked over at me for a moment before making his way up onto the porch and knocking on the door. I turned my head toward the grain silo to see Daddy coming over; I guess he’d heard the car, too. I wanted to get up and follow him but for some reason I couldn’t move.

“Daddy?” I whispered.

He didn’t answer me, only smoothed his calloused hand over my head as he passed, his pace quickening. He hopped onto the porch just as Mama opened the door and reluctantly accepted the telegram after signing for it. None of us moved, not even little Tommy who had come running from the back yard to see who had come to visit, until the man had returned to his car and started back the way he came.

Mama had a hand over her heart as she handed the telegram to Daddy. I stood up, shaking like a leaf, and took a few cautious steps over toward the house as he opened and read the message.

Tommy looked at me, confused and impatient. “Bonnie?” he spoke, but I shushed him, my eyes never leaving Daddy’s face. He’d just whispered something to Mama and she was sliding down the front doorframe to the floor, taking him with her. That was when I started running and grabbed the slightly crinkled paper from Daddy’s hand. “Bonnie—”

I ignored him as I turned away and sat down on the top step. For a second, I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t going to see any bad news when I read it. Surely it was Danny telling us he would be home sooner than we thought and Mama was crying because she was so happy. I almost believed it , but then I forced myself to look at the truth I held in my hands.

 

**WASHINGTON DC**  
**1944 JUN 26**  
**3:37 PM**

**MR AND MRS ROLAND JACKSON**  
**201 COUNTY RD EAST CEDAR HILL TN**

**THE SECRETARY OF WAR DESIRES ME TO EXPRESS HIS DEEP REGRET THAT YOUR SON PRIVATE FIRST CLASS DANIEL E JACKSON WAS KILLED IN ACTION ON 13 JUNE IN FRANCE CONFIRMING LETTER FOLLOWS**

**J A ULIO THE ADJUTANT GENERAL**

 

I didn’t know what to do or what to think; it was like my world just stopped. How was I ever supposed to accept that my big brother, my best friend, was dead? He couldn’t be gone. It just wasn’t possible. This was too much, it...

“Bonnie, what’s happening? Why is everyone crying?”

Oh my God, Tommy. I’d been so immersed in myself that I’d completely forgotten about anyone else. Lord, how was I supposed to explain this to a ten-year-old when I could hardly understand it myself? I didn’t really want the responsibility, but after glancing over and seeing Daddy and Mama clinging to each other for dear life, I knew I had no choice. I looked back to Tommy still standing at the end of the porch, and motioned for him to come sit with me. He did, and cuddled up close to me, seeming to understand that what I was about to tell him was going to hurt.

“Tommy,” I took a deep shuddering breath, “You know how Danny left a long time ago to join the Army and protect us?”

He nodded and smiled. “Of course! He went to fight the Germans. We’re gonna win, you know, Danny promised me we will.”

“Yes, well, he...he’s not coming back, Tommy.”

It nearly shattered my heart to say those words. It was hard enough to read them, but hearing them...I could tell by the look in his eyes that Tommy didn’t understand. Truly, I didn’t either.

“But doesn’t he love us anymore? Doesn’t he want to come back home?”

“No, that’s not it, Tommy, I promise. He couldn’t wait to come home,” I hugged him tightly, feeling tears form and leak down my cheeks, “Danny went to be with God and all the angels in heaven, like Mr. Heller from down the road last year.”

I watched as he processed what I’d said and I hated the second I saw him finally comprehend what it meant. He wouldn’t be the same anymore; none of us would. He started to cry and I couldn’t handle it anymore; I sort of nudged him toward our parents and stood, leaving that awful telegram next to Daddy. I wanted to be alone. Well, that wasn’t really true; the only person I wanted to see was now the one I would never see again, at least not until the very end. So, alone I was.

I walked in a daze back to our garden. I ran my fingers along the back of the bench Danny had been so proud of before sitting down on the swing. If I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough, I could almost feel him there pushing me like he used to. But then I stopped; it hurt too much. The last time Danny had pushed me on that swing was the day before he left for basic training. It was the last heart-to-heart we ever had face-to-face.

_“I’m just scared for you, is all. It’s war, Danny. You know what the Great War did to Gramps...I don’t want anything to happen to you. I can’t lose you, Danny. I can’t.”_

_“You won’t lose me, Bonnie, I promise. I can’t just sit here and do nothing until my number comes up. I’ve gotta do this, Bon, you know I do.”_

_“Why can’t somebody else go instead, huh?”_

_“If not me, then who?”_

I don’t know how long I sat there lost in memories before I heard another vehicle approaching the house. A quick glance up showed me it was Pastor Johnson and his wife with their daughter, and my friend, Mary. News, good or bad, gets around fast in a small town. Mary and Danny had been sweet on each other for years but decided to wait until after the war to start anything too serious. I always thought they’d make a fine pair; now we would never know.

Pastor and Mrs. Johnson made their way up to the house, but Mary spotted me by the garden. Silently, she came over, sat down on the small bench, and started tracing the carved crosses with her fingers. She didn’t try to say anything to me and for that I was grateful; it seemed the both of us just wanted to be alone in our grief, together.

-::-

It had been nearly three weeks since the world, for me, had been irreversibly changed forever. There was a tremendous ache in my heart that I was sure would never go away, but I’d finally been able to stop the tears from falling every time I thought about Danny or heard his name or passed by his room. Sometimes I’d see Mama sitting on his bed or standing in front of his dresser. “Oh, Daniel,” she’d whisper, “My Daniel.”

Every once in awhile I would sneak in there after everyone else was asleep and spend the night. It made me feel like a child but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel like he was still there. I’d even taken one of his old sweaters from the closet and put it on whenever missing him go to be too much. It was the closest I could get anymore to one of his hugs.

So it was one afternoon I found myself sitting on a wicker rocking chair out on the porch, wearing Danny’s sweater with the sleeves rolled up, when the postman trudged up the dirt driveway from his little truck with a stack of envelopes in his hand. He gave them to me with a polite nod and I thanked him as he left. We didn’t get mail all that often, so I was always curious to see what there was; a couple things for Daddy from suppliers, a postcard from Aunt Edith, and then something that nearly made my heart stop. There was a letter for me...from Danny.

There was a split second I got my hopes up that maybe he was alive after all and the telegram had just been one huge foul up. It was irrational, I knew, but I was desperate; the realistic side of my brain reminded me that mail from Europe took a long time and that my brother was truly gone and nothing could change that. I turned the slightly beat up envelope over in my hands a few times. Part of me wanted to rip it open and read it as quickly as I could. But I also knew that this would be the last letter I ever got from Danny; once it was opened and read, there would never be any new words or thoughts from him. As hungry as I was to see what he had to say, I wanted to make the moment last as long as I could, so I forced myself to open it gently, as if it was the most fragile thing in the world.

I ran my fingers over his unique cursive that was halfway between sloppy and neat, something I think he got from Daddy. I always used to give him guff for it but he took it with a grin. I laughed when I saw he had done a drawing in the corner of a dog chasing a raccoon up a tree; he always drew some sort of dumb little cartoon on his letters to me just because he knew I liked them. I squeezed my eyes shut as a fresh wave of grief slammed over me. Finally I pulled myself together just enough and began to read, hanging on every word.

 

_7 June 1944_

_Dear Bonnie,_

_Hey there, little sis. I hope this letter finds you well. I’m okay, I guess. You probably won’t believe me but as I’m writing this to you I’m sitting on a beach. Can’t tell you exactly where, but I expect you’ll be finding out before too long. I’m sure it was nice once, and maybe it will be again, but it ain’t nothing like when we were little and Daddy and Mama would take us out to the Georgia coast to visit Uncle Henry and Aunt Edith for a couple weeks during the summer. Those beaches, you’d look out and see people all over the place laughing and having fun, and the gulls all trying to steal their picnics when no one was paying attention. Here it’s...well, it’s different. A hell of a lot different. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday, or maybe not. I do know one thing for sure: I’ll be happy to never see anything like it ever again. That’s all I’ll say about it for now._

_They’re sending my squad on a mission soon and I don’t know how long it’ll take. I probably won’t be able to write proper for awhile. Tell Mama I promise her a nice long letter as soon as I get a chance and tell Daddy I miss working the farm with him. Tell Tommy to keep practicing his shooting and I’ll take him hunting when I get home. I reckon he’s old enough now. Bonnie, I can’t wait until all this mess is over with and I can get back to you. I really miss our long talks and that garden of ours._

_You’re my best friend, Bon._

_Keep praying for me and for all of us. I know I am, and I also know the Almighty knows what’s best._

_I love and miss y’all like crazy, I hope you know. I’ll write when I can. Try not to worry too much, I’m with some real great guys._

_Love from your brother,_  
_Dan...alright fine, Danny_

 

I don’t know how many times I read it; twice, four times, ten. I couldn’t stop. Every time I read it I could hear him saying the words, see him writing them. So many questions flooded my mind: He’d told me not to worry, but had he felt something was wrong? Did he know he would die soon after he sent this? How was it fair that God would protect him through the Normandy invasion only to allow him to fall a week later? What was the mission he’d mentioned? Was that what killed him?

All those thoughts mixed with the surprise of the letter proved too much. I couldn’t stop the tears this time or the sobs that took over me. I’d spent so long trying to be strong for Mama and Daddy and Tommy that I hadn’t really let myself react to losing Danny. I think that until then I’d been pretending he wasn’t gone forever; he was simply still off fighting the war. I tried to keep myself quiet so as not to alarm anyone, but I must not have tried hard enough. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me and didn’t even think before melting into them.

“Oh, darlin’,” it was Daddy, “I was wonderin’ when you were gonna quit thinkin’ you had to hold all this in.”

I started to sit up and dab at my face with my sleeve. “Daddy, I’m sorry, I must look like such a mess.”

He stopped me. “Now don’t you apologize, darlin’, don’t you dare. I know you think you have to keep yourself together for all of us, but you’re wrong,” he pulled me back to his chest, “My girl, we all lost Daniel. It’s hard for all of us, and especially for you, I know. The two of you were like peas and carrots since you were a baby. It ain’t healthy to hold all that grief in, Bonnie.”

“I can’t be like this in front of Mama and Thomas, Daddy, I just can’t.”

“Well, they’re at the Johnsons’ for the next couple hours, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’m your Daddy. I love you, I’ll be strong for you, and I’m here.”

I looked up at him for a moment and saw nothing but concern and sincerity in his eyes. Finally, I let myself break down completely. “Danny’s really gone, Daddy,” I sobbed, “He’s not coming back, I’m never going to see him again.”

He didn’t try to talk about how it would be alright or say stupid things like I’d ‘get over it eventually,’ and I couldn’t have been more thankful. He simply hugged me and rocked me on his lap until I was finished. Even then, when I was calmed down, he made no attempt to move me. I think we were both wishing I was still little and none of this had happened. All of a sudden, Daddy broke the silence with his soft voice. “You know, one of my most treasured memories of Daniel was when he met you for the first time.”

My eyebrows knitted together as I craned my neck so I could look at him. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that story before,” I said.

Daddy smiled and rested his head on his hand. “Well then, I’d say it’s high time you heard it, darlin’.

“It had been maybe three hours since you were born. Doctor Harrison had just left and your Mama was asleep in our room. You’d started to get fussy so I decided I’d try walkin’ you around the house. We ended up in the living room, you were cryin’ by that point, and Aunt Edith was sittin’ on the sofa readin’ to Daniel to keep him occupied.

“Well, his little head shot right up and he rushed over to me as fast as he could, ignorin’ Edith scoldin’ him for runnin’ in the house, and asked me, ‘Is that my little sister? Can I meet ‘er, Daddy, please?’

I knelt down to show you to him, and wouldn’t you know? The second you saw him you stopped fussin’ altogether. Y’all were just starin’ at each other, like you were mesmerized. It was like that any time you were upset after that; Daniel’d come over and that was that. I tell you, darlin’, I’ve never seen a brother and sister bond like that before. Y’all are somethin’ special, and that’ll never change, you understand?”

I was quiet a moment before I nodded. It was true; Danny would always be my big brother, my rock, my confidant, my best friend. Not even death could change that. The only thing for a long while that kept me going was my faith and knowing that I would be reunited with him, and then there would never be any more goodbyes.

-::-


	2. Part II

The next year went by both quickly and slowly at the same time. I started my last year of high school that autumn; I had been looking forward to finally finishing but I wanted so badly for Danny to be there for it. I’d always imagined him being there to tease me and tell me to stop fussing so much over schoolwork, even if it was through letters. Somehow I’d made it through anyway and decided to stay home and help on the farm for a year or so before studying to become a nurse. The plan was to become an Army nurse someday, but I kept that particular detail from my parents for awhile.

It was a Wednesday afternoon in September 1945, and I was taking a break from my duties, enjoying the shade in my garden, when an unfamiliar Plymouth pulled down the drive toward the house. Ever since the telegram, I’d grown wary of strange cars, but what bad news could this one possibly bring? Danny was already gone. I shook my head to clear it and watched the driver, a tall young man in an Army uniform. He looked handsome in it and I couldn’t help thinking about Danny and how smart he’d looked in his.

The man looked around for a moment before spying me and slowly walking over. He looked like he was trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. “Excuse me, Miss,” he spoke in the strangest accent I’d ever heard in my life, “Is this the Jackson residence?”

So he wasn’t lost, but what did he want? “Yes, it is,” I answered, “Something I can help you with, Soldier?”

He hesitated and took off his cap, wringing it nervously in his hands. “I’m, uh...I’m Private Richard Reiben, Miss. I assume you’re Bonnie?”

I nodded slowly and he must’ve been able to tell I was wondering how he knew my name, because he spoke again before I could ask. “I was with your brother when he...in Europe. We were in the same squad.”

My eyes flew open wide and my heart started pounding, but I tried to keep calm. On slightly shaky legs, I managed to stand. “Follow me, please,” I said.

I started toward the barn where I knew Daddy was working on the backhoe; I didn’t know exactly what to do with our visitor, but Daddy would, I was sure. I carefully slid open the door and ignored the smell of fertilizer as I called out for him. A few seconds later, he came around the corner from his work area. He wiped his hands on an old rag as he walked over and asked, “Who’s this?”

“Daddy, this is Richard Reiben,” I answered and looked down at the hay-covered floor, “He knew Danny.”

Reiben didn’t know what to do so he just kind of stood there shifting his weight from foot to foot. I don’t think Daddy knew what to do either, but he nodded slightly and held out his hand and they shook. “Roland. Nice to meet you, son.”

“Likewise, Mr. Jackson.”

We all stood there in an uneasy silence for about a minute before Daddy finally took the lead. “Well, I think Mama’s in the kitchen. How about we head inside and see if there’s any of that sun tea left from yesterday?”

He motioned us forward and I lead the way back to the house. I wanted to know why this Reiben fellow was here, but it wasn’t really my place to ask so I kept quiet and waited for whatever was going to happen next. They both followed me into the kitchen through the back screen door and I saw Mama standing at the sink peeling potatoes. “Tommy, is that you? I must have lost all track of time if school’s out already,” she said without turning around.

“You ain’t lost track of anything, darlin’,” Daddy told her, “We’ve got a visitor.”

Mama finally turned and saw the Private standing behind me. I could tell it was hard for her to see a young man in her house in an Army uniform that wasn’t my brother. I knew that because it was difficult for me, too. She looked from Daddy to Private Reiben to me, not knowing what to say. Daddy cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Let’s all go into the sitting room and talk. I’m sure Richard here came a long way; we should make him feel welcome. Bonnie, could you bring out some of that sun tea for us?”

I nodded as the three of them left the room and got some glasses ready as quickly as i could. I didn’t want to miss anything.

I walked into the living room just as Reiben was telling my parents where he was from in New York. I set down the tray of drinks and set myself on the arm of the sofa, next to where Mama was sitting. Daddy and Private Reiben were in the matching armchairs across the coffee table from us. I looked around the room and, as usual, my eyes were drawn to the mantle which was now completely dedicated to Danny. I poured over photographs that went through his childhood all the way to his Army days, then stopped on the folded flag the government had sent my parents. Tears started forming in my eyes but I forced myself to focus my attention back on our guest and what he was saying. I reached down and took a firm hold on Mama’s hand as he started talking.

“I don’t...I don’t really even know where to start,” he said after a deep breath, “I’m so sorry to intrude, Mr. and Mrs. Jackson, really. I didn’t mean...”

Mama held her free hand up to stop him. “Don’t apologize, honey, it’s no trouble. I have a feeling Daniel would have brought you out here anyway, if only to try and make a farmer out of you.”

We all chuckled through the grief of the moment and Reiben nodded, a reminiscing grin on his face. “Yeah, you’re right. He did talk about that all the time. Couldn’t wait to get me on a backhoe, he said.”

There was a long pause while the only sound came from the grandfather clock’s constant ticking in the corner. Private Reiben leaned his elbows on his knees and ran a hand through his hair before speaking again. “I...I was with Daniel all the way from basic training to France and everywhere in between. At first we didn’t really get along; we were just so different, you know? I was ‘City Boy’ and he was ‘Bumpkin.’ That’s how it started, anyway.

“As time went on and we actually opened up a bit and got to know each other, it was different. We still picked at each other but we knew it was all nonsense, you know? Some of the things we saw, the things we did...what we had to do...that’s stuff only the guys who were there with you can ever understand. It’s the kind of stuff that makes brothers out of guys from Brooklyn, New York, and Cedar Hill, Tennessee. Dan was one of the best friends I ever had.

“Look, I don’t know how much the Army told you, if anything, about how Daniel died, but you all deserve to know what your son did; how brave he was, even at the end.”

He then, over what seemed like the next half hour or so, proceeded to tell us everything. Everything. Landing on the beachhead at Normandy, clearing the bunkers, being selected for the mission to find Private Ryan, the decision to stay and defend the bridge at Ramelle...exactly how Daniel was killed. Reiben said that Danny saved a lot of lives by being up in that bell tower, but I couldn’t help wondering why he couldn’t have gotten out of there, too.

I knew it was selfish of me to think it, but what was so special about Private James Francis Ryan of Iowa? The softer side of me said to think about his poor mother losing three of four sons, but in the moment I couldn’t be bothered to care. What about Private First Class Daniel Eugene Jackson of Tennessee? What about his poor mother, and father, and brother and sister? Danny was just as important, so how was it fair that he would never get to see home again when Ryan would?

“Not a single day has gone by since then that I haven’t asked why him, why them, and not me,” Reiben continued after a moment, his voice thick with emotion, “You have to believe me, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to go back and take all their places, especially Dan.”

His head hung as he laced his fingers together behind his neck; I could see he was crying now. I was numb. Daddy was trying to hide his own tears, too, as he reached over to grip his shoulder, and I felt Mama’s hand slip out of mine. I watched as she got up and slowly knelt down in front of Private Reiben and took him in her arms, embracing him.

“You’re still here so that you could tell us about our Daniel,” she whispered to him, “And so you could give us this closure. I can’t thank you enough for that, Richard.”

I wasn’t sure how I felt. Angry, still, that my brother was dead; devastated, still, that he was gone. I turned my head away from the scene in front of me, remaining quiet. I heard movement but didn’t look up.

“Dan, he...he gave this to me before we went to France and asked me to send it if...” he trailed off. I glanced over and saw him pull a thick envelope out of his pocket. It was addressed to the farm in Danny’s handwriting.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get it to you earlier,” he spoke softly, “I couldn’t...I guess sending it meant the whole thing really happened.”

“It’s alright, son,” Daddy said as he took the envelope, “You’re here now; that’s all that matters.”

Reiben nodded and pulled something else out of a different pocket. I squinted, trying to tell what it was, but I didn’t have to guess for long.

“There’s something else, too,” he cleared his throat, “After, uh...after the battle, I tried to find Dan and the other guys in the tower. I’d hoped that maybe...well...I found these. I carried them with me through the end of the war, but they belong here. With you guys.”

Danny’s dog tags...and crucifix. I didn’t know he’d worn it all the time. Something about that thought offered a bit of comfort. I also felt that somehow, if I were to wear them, I’d be able to feel him with me. My greedy side wanted those tags more than anything, but I’d never say it; Mama would probably take them. Which was why I was surprised to hear her say, “Bonnie, you gave him that cross. You should have them, I think Daniel would want that.”

Slowly, I stood and made my way over to the young man who was so different from my brother, yet so similar at the same tome. I took the small metal items gingerly, as if they would shatter if I wasn’t careful. I think I thanked him, but I honestly can’t remember. The rest of his visit, I spent in my own little world sitting on the sofa and staring at Danny’s dog tags, reading them over and over.

 **DANIEL E JACKSON**  
**13976429 T43-44 A**  
**P**

I’m not sure how much longer Private Reiben was there or when he left; I vaguely remember mumbling a goodbye and hearing Mama telling him to come visit us any time he liked. Next thing I knew, the house was quiet again and Daddy was handing me an envelope. My name was written on the front in Danny’s neatest script.

“From the letter Richard brought,” Daddy explained, “There’s one for all four of us...”

I looked back down at the letter before standing up and giving each of my parents a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I walked to the stairs so I could go read it in my room, but stopped. I’d thought that late letter from France a year ago was the very last I’d ever hear from Danny, but now I’d been given this one last conversation, one last glimpse into his thoughts. This was it, so I decided to take it out to our garden. That was always where I felt closest to him anyway. Draping his tags and crucifix around my neck, I pushed open the screen door and went out to the swing. Once I was comfortable, I gently tore the envelope open and pulled out what was inside: a letter and a small photograph of us playing in the mud when we were toddlers. A tear rolled down my cheek as I started in on the note.

 

_Dear Bonnie,_

_Hey there, little sis. I want to start this by saying I hope you never have to read this particular letter. I didn’t even really want to write it, because of what it would mean, but then I realized that if something did happen, there are some things you would never know that I want you to. I have complete faith and trust that the Good Lord has complete control of everything and whatever happens, no matter what it is, is His plan and in everybody’s best interest._

_Bon, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave you yet. I didn’t want to leave the farm in the first place, but it was my duty. We both know that. I’m proud to have been able to serve my country, even in such a small way, but I really hated leaving home and everyone in it. And I certainly don’t want to leave this life yet. There are so many things I want to do. I want to scare the hell out of any boy who wants to court you and make sure they treat you right. I’d make sure they know that if they ever hurt you they’ll have to deal with me. I want to marry Mary Johnson and become a father. I want to see you get married and I want to be an uncle. I want to see Tommy become a man. I want to take over the farm someday and become a cranky old curmudgeon like Gramps was._

_I feel selfish almost, writing stuff like that. What do you think? If it’s God’s will for me to not come home, is it wrong to not be alright with it? If I die, do you think I won’t care about everything I had to leave behind as soon as I see God face to face? I guess I’ll find out. I don’t want to leave y’all, but we’re all going to our real home someday, right? I’ll get to see you there eventually, too, I know it. But I hope for your sake that it’s a very very long time._

_I don’t want you to be sad, Bonnie. I never like to see you upset about anything, especially when I’m the cause of it. Don’t be sad because I’ll always be with you even though I’m gone. Any time you’re lonely, I’m there to annoy the crud out of you. On a sunny day when you’re working in our garden, I’m in the dirt right there next to you asking when we can go in for some tea. And you know you can always talk to me no matter what. I promise to listen._

_I hope you have a long life full of love, laughter, friendship, and faith. It hurts more than I can say to leave you. Just know that I’m up here with God and I’m not hurting at all anymore, and that I’m missing you. I’ll find us a nice tree up here, alright? I love you, little sis, to the moon and back. You’re my best friend, Bon. Always have been and always will be. I’ll see you later._

_Also, I hope you like the photograph. It’s always been one of my favorites of us, all young and dumb. Well, you’re still young and I’m still dumb, ain’t that right? I’ve carried this around since boot camp and I pull it out whenever I’m homesick. It always makes me smile. I want you to have it so maybe it can make you smile, too._

_All my love,_  
_Danny_

_P.S., I remember hearing this song when we first got to England. It’s Bing Crosby, I know he’s your favorite, and I think you’ll be proud I remembered the words._

_Now is the hour when we must say goodbye._  
_Soon you will be sailing far across the sea._  
_While you’re away, oh then remember me._  
_When you return you’ll find me waiting here._  
_Sunset glow fades in the west, night over the valley is creeping._  
_Birds cuddle down in their nest, soon all the world will be sleeping._  
_Now is the hour when we must say goodbye._  
_Soon you will be sailing far across the sea._  
_While you’re away, oh then remember me._  
_When you return you’ll find me waiting here._

 

I think that day and reading his last letter to me really started to help me heal. Well, heal as much as I could, anyway. I’ve always had a hole in my heart shaped like Danny that nothing and no one else could ever fill, but I knew it was okay. Danny was right; he was finally home and he didn’t have to face the pain and horrors of war anymore.

I did what he’d hoped I’d do and so much more. I ended up going to nursing school and enlisted as an Army nurse in the Korean War. Mama and Daddy weren’t happy at first but when I explained why, they understood. I wanted to help as many kids like Danny as I could so they could return home to their families. Every soldier I helped treat I saw as if they were Danny, and it helped me just as much as it helped them.

After the war, I came home and married a man named James Thompson. He’d lived a few miles down the road from us my whole life but we never really talked until high school. Jim was a good man, a good husband, and a good father. Eventually we took over the farm for my parents and had four kids, Daniel, Evelyn, Linda, and James Jr., who helped us run it.

We lived the long and happy life Danny wanted for me, and when I lost Jim in the winter of ’99, our Daniel took over operating the farm and I went to live with Evelyn and her family.

I’m eighty-five now. I’ve been missing my husband for thirteen years and my older brother for sixty-eight. As I lay in my bed tonight, I look at the photographs I’ve collected on my nightstand over the years. My parents‘ wedding photo, Danny, Tommy, my friends from school and the Army, Jim and the kids, all look back at me. I consider them all tokens of an incredibly blessed life. I reach for the chain around my neck that holds Danny’s tags and crucifix, one of my dog tags from Korea, and Jim’s wedding band. For some reason, I’ve been thinking about the two of them a lot lately, more than usual, and dreaming about them every night. I’ve had a feeling all week that I’ll be seeing them both again soon. I hadn’t told anyone about it, but I wasn’t worried about anything. I’m ready now for whatever happens.

With one last glance at my photos, I reach up and turn off the bedside lamp. I settle in under my quilt for the night and close my eyes. I finally feel myself slip away and suddenly I’m on the farm again, except something feels different. I walk around to the front yard and see two male figures under the mulberry tree. My pace quickens and I notice my arthritis, that I’d always felt even in my dreams, is gone and I feel twenty again. Finally, I start running and as I near the men, I recognize their young faces immediately.

“Hey, little sis,” the taller of the two drawls in a voice I haven’t heard in far too long, “I told you I’d find us a nice tree. Even found this handsome fella to help out, figured you wouldn’t mind. Welcome home, Bonnie.”

-::-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there’s the end. I hope you enjoyed it, if only a little bit. Jackson was always my favorite and I wanted to imagine what his family might be like. Thanks for allowing me to explore. =)


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